Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?...

It seemed every year, when he got to this certain point in the month, there was little to console the loneliness he felt in his heart. Despite Christmas's past, when he had the company of Rhodey, Pepper and even Obi, there was always that certain regret that he couldn't see his parents.

Rolling a glass of scotch in his fingers distractedly, Tony stared at the massive tree in the corner of his sitting room and travelled back to the days when he was a young kid. He couldn't help thinking of all those holiday seasons when his mother would haul him away from his father long enough to get a Christmas tree. Her face was brilliant, reflecting true happiness as Tony would pull one away from the bunch and stand it up for the final approval. 

She was always the one that grounded him; hoping desperately to allow him the treasures of growing up with memories that he could look back on. Those moments lingered, giving him just a small window of what it was like being 8 years old and acting the age. Maria Stark was good for that.

Lowering his eyes, he drifted to that particular day almost thirty years earlier...

"Tony? Come with me for a bit. I need your help"

Getting to his feet, he nodded compliantly, sliding his small hand into his mothers and walking alongside her into the large livingroom where a mammoth sized evergreen tree stood naked in the corner. His eyes lit up as he tilted his head upwards to see the elegant smile spread across her lips.

Crouching to his level, she draped a slender arm around his back and pointed towards a box of multicolored bulbs and lights.

"Will you help me decorate the Christmas tree?"

She barely got the words out and the small child was nodding with an excited grin - taking to the box with such speed it garnered a laugh from his mother. Together, they filled each space with a spirit that seemed to stop the world. At least it seemed that way until his father made his presence known and he was led back to the workshop..

Tony rose to his feet, a scowl unveiling at the ending of his memory, as he closed the gap between himself and the bare tree. He only made it halfway, turning quickly to look over his shoulder, certain to see his fathers face and the simple wave of his hand to come to him. When it was apparent he wasn't there, his eyes flickered down to his drink and then over to the decanter on a nearby table.

Out of all the memories he wished to hold sacred, it would be the ones where he got to spend even the smallest bit of time with his mother. Why had they come back so strong this year? Was it because of what had happened? The explosion, the capture, the escape, the abrupt change, it all seemed so vague compared to the images that played in his mind right then.

He looked up again, his jaw clenched and rippling under the strain of keeping his emotions under wrap. 

He was his fathers son--prepared to be exactly like him--smart, ingenious, savvy, but all that came without having any heart. Then, after getting hit with that bomb, his bomb, rather than have it all taken away, he was given the worse punishment ever. He was given that heart and now it ached.

Shuffling towards the table with the decanter, he set his glass down and stared at the dark amber. Lifting his eyes, he became enveloped with the image of his mother smiling and with a raise of his hand, he shifted and went for the box of Christmas decorations not too far from where he stood.