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Entry tags:
mad muses - july: quote
Part one
It was one of those nights where one would think and feel like they were sleeping, but be acutely aware of anything and everything that was going on around them. Movements, though slightly louder in any quiet room, seemed to amplify like mallets against massive drums, and smells would heighten because it was almost as if they were right under ones nose.
His stomach churned and rolled, making a loud noise in protest over the abuse it took the night before. Though he knew it was probably impossible, he still felt as though he could be sick again at any moment. Despite feeling he couldn't move, human reaction forced his head to the side and pushed him to hover his face over the edge of the couch. Tony heaved, choked and spit into the pail which Rhodey placed there for him hours before.
"Here." Rhodey spoke, putting a glass of water into Tony's hands for him. "Drink it."
Tony held it for a few long minutes, relishing the cool feeling it gave to his heated palms. He knew if he took even a small sip that there was a good chance that his stomach would reject it as well.
"Drink it, Tony."
The CEO knew the voice that was talking to him. If it had been anyone else, he would of purposely defied them only because of who he was. But, when it came to James Rhodes, he always seemed to give in eventually.
Sighing defeatedly, he slowly brought the edge of the glass to his lips and drank a small amount, if only to satisfy the man sitting not far from him.
"What are you doing?" The question came sooner than expected.
What was he doing? Tony could barely remember the reasons. But, now that he was a touch more sober than drunk, Tony began to feel the reasons why he almost drank himself to death.
Finally opening his eyes, a stream of dim light pierced through and instantly began a vicious hammering inside his head. He winced in obvious pain. That pain, in itself would make anyone second guess drinking ever again. But, oddly enough, Tony was wanting more. Just one more drink to bring him to that functioning level again.
"I overindulged. I needed to decompress and I got a little carried away."
Lie.
Rhodey nodded in casual understanding. "A hundred and fifty thousand dollars worth of decompressing seems like alot, Tony."
Bringing his hand to his face, he opened his eyes again and turned to stare at his friend in disbelief. Rhodey just offered his friend a small smile in response. "You gave me a bottle for Christmas last year. I was curious and checked it out."
"That's breaking the 'gift rule', Rhodey." he replied, slowly sitting up. When he was upright, he placed the glass of water on the coffee table and shook his head in mock disappointment. "Next time, I'll get you something you can't Google."
A silence fell between them, one where the conversation could have gone many ways. Tony's hope was that the topic of last night would be dropped and Rhodey would take his leave knowing he was alright now. But, looking at his friend, he realized last night was a long way from being left alone.
"Why do I feel like you're going to interrogate me?"
"Alot of people are noticing that you're acting different. What's going on, Tony?"
A pause. Deep down, Tony felt himself wanting to tell the other man what really was going on, but before he could get the words out of his open mouth, he stopped himself and looked away in a weak attempt to avoid any judgement.
"We're friends. Talk to me, man."
Another long pause. It was painfully obvious there was something on his mind, and that Tony desperately -- maybe even literally -- needed to get it off his chest. But, frustration slowly kicked in and a mix of anger and bitterness at having to admit defeat bled into his features and posture. Muscles began tensing and visible agitation over having to explain himself set it.
It was then that the addict within began questioning why he even had to explain himself in the first place.
"Friends don't interrogate." It was said with shivering coldness. "Friends don't meddle. They trust their friends when they say there is NOTHING WRONG!"
Lie.
Rhodey dismissed the outburst, looking down at his fingers stitched together. Taking a deep breath, he glanced back up at Tony with a steady gaze.
"They also see when their friends are self-destructing. That's when they step in and stop it from happeni-"
Quick to interrupt, Tony narrowed his eyes as he rose to his feet with a slight teeter. "Stop me from what? Killing myself?" His mouth curled into a sarcastic smile while he waited for Rhodey to respond. "Well, guess what? It's inevitable. That means it's going to happen no matter what I try to do!"
Not completely realizing that he'd revealed his secret, Tony shook his head, sure that the other man didn't understand even half of what he was implying. But, Rhodey sat with hands stitched together and worry in his eye. He knew Tony -- despite whatever antics he'd pulled in the past -- would never throw something like this out there for a reaction.
With an air of defeat, Tony slowly lifted the bottom of his shirt up until his arc showed. At first glance, Rhodey didn't see the faint lines sprouting from the device, but when he did, his eyes grew in horror.
"A major oversight. The palladium is poisoning me." Tony told him before he could ask. "There, now you know. I'll be lucky if I make it through the month."
For the first time that night, Rhodey didn't know what to say.
"And I can't find a replacement." he added, dropping his shirt down again.
"You can't, or you won't?"
Lowering back onto the couch, Tony shrugged. "What do you want me to say? That I'll call the Arc Reactor Donor Clinic first thing monday morning?"
"There's people that can help you. We can talk to the scientists at SI. I'll ask around at the base.." Rhodey reasoned.
"This goes beyond SI and the military. This is about me discovering and implementing an element for my own use. An element that if dropped in the wrong hands will create alot of trouble, and I doubt the government will step up to bat for me after everything that's happened in the past."
They both knew he was right.
"I'm going to keep working on it. I've started alot of things that I want to see through." he mused, leaning over to collect the glass of water again.
After a few long minutes, Rhodey finally spoke again. "Does Claire know?"
"No. It's better if she didn't."
"She cares about you, Tony. She has a-.."
"Claire left. Moved out."
"..right to know. Tony. Listen..."
"No, you listen, Rhodey. In the last year and a half I've given her every reason in the world to get out. I don't deserve her and she deserves better. Look at me. Look at who I've always been." he spoke, pausing after. "She doesn't need to sit there and watch me die."
At that, he got to his feet, seemingly accepting of his friends wishes. But, before walking past him, Rhodey stopped and placed a strong hand on his friends shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. "Take a shower, Tony. Get something to eat and then sleep."
Tony looked up, nodded once and placed his hand over Rhodey's to show his appreciation.
"I'm giving you two days to tell her. If you don't, I will."
It was one of those nights where one would think and feel like they were sleeping, but be acutely aware of anything and everything that was going on around them. Movements, though slightly louder in any quiet room, seemed to amplify like mallets against massive drums, and smells would heighten because it was almost as if they were right under ones nose.
His stomach churned and rolled, making a loud noise in protest over the abuse it took the night before. Though he knew it was probably impossible, he still felt as though he could be sick again at any moment. Despite feeling he couldn't move, human reaction forced his head to the side and pushed him to hover his face over the edge of the couch. Tony heaved, choked and spit into the pail which Rhodey placed there for him hours before.
"Here." Rhodey spoke, putting a glass of water into Tony's hands for him. "Drink it."
Tony held it for a few long minutes, relishing the cool feeling it gave to his heated palms. He knew if he took even a small sip that there was a good chance that his stomach would reject it as well.
"Drink it, Tony."
The CEO knew the voice that was talking to him. If it had been anyone else, he would of purposely defied them only because of who he was. But, when it came to James Rhodes, he always seemed to give in eventually.
Sighing defeatedly, he slowly brought the edge of the glass to his lips and drank a small amount, if only to satisfy the man sitting not far from him.
"What are you doing?" The question came sooner than expected.
What was he doing? Tony could barely remember the reasons. But, now that he was a touch more sober than drunk, Tony began to feel the reasons why he almost drank himself to death.
Finally opening his eyes, a stream of dim light pierced through and instantly began a vicious hammering inside his head. He winced in obvious pain. That pain, in itself would make anyone second guess drinking ever again. But, oddly enough, Tony was wanting more. Just one more drink to bring him to that functioning level again.
"I overindulged. I needed to decompress and I got a little carried away."
Lie.
Rhodey nodded in casual understanding. "A hundred and fifty thousand dollars worth of decompressing seems like alot, Tony."
Bringing his hand to his face, he opened his eyes again and turned to stare at his friend in disbelief. Rhodey just offered his friend a small smile in response. "You gave me a bottle for Christmas last year. I was curious and checked it out."
"That's breaking the 'gift rule', Rhodey." he replied, slowly sitting up. When he was upright, he placed the glass of water on the coffee table and shook his head in mock disappointment. "Next time, I'll get you something you can't Google."
A silence fell between them, one where the conversation could have gone many ways. Tony's hope was that the topic of last night would be dropped and Rhodey would take his leave knowing he was alright now. But, looking at his friend, he realized last night was a long way from being left alone.
"Why do I feel like you're going to interrogate me?"
"Alot of people are noticing that you're acting different. What's going on, Tony?"
A pause. Deep down, Tony felt himself wanting to tell the other man what really was going on, but before he could get the words out of his open mouth, he stopped himself and looked away in a weak attempt to avoid any judgement.
"We're friends. Talk to me, man."
Another long pause. It was painfully obvious there was something on his mind, and that Tony desperately -- maybe even literally -- needed to get it off his chest. But, frustration slowly kicked in and a mix of anger and bitterness at having to admit defeat bled into his features and posture. Muscles began tensing and visible agitation over having to explain himself set it.
It was then that the addict within began questioning why he even had to explain himself in the first place.
"Friends don't interrogate." It was said with shivering coldness. "Friends don't meddle. They trust their friends when they say there is NOTHING WRONG!"
Lie.
Rhodey dismissed the outburst, looking down at his fingers stitched together. Taking a deep breath, he glanced back up at Tony with a steady gaze.
"They also see when their friends are self-destructing. That's when they step in and stop it from happeni-"
Quick to interrupt, Tony narrowed his eyes as he rose to his feet with a slight teeter. "Stop me from what? Killing myself?" His mouth curled into a sarcastic smile while he waited for Rhodey to respond. "Well, guess what? It's inevitable. That means it's going to happen no matter what I try to do!"
Not completely realizing that he'd revealed his secret, Tony shook his head, sure that the other man didn't understand even half of what he was implying. But, Rhodey sat with hands stitched together and worry in his eye. He knew Tony -- despite whatever antics he'd pulled in the past -- would never throw something like this out there for a reaction.
With an air of defeat, Tony slowly lifted the bottom of his shirt up until his arc showed. At first glance, Rhodey didn't see the faint lines sprouting from the device, but when he did, his eyes grew in horror.
"A major oversight. The palladium is poisoning me." Tony told him before he could ask. "There, now you know. I'll be lucky if I make it through the month."
For the first time that night, Rhodey didn't know what to say.
"And I can't find a replacement." he added, dropping his shirt down again.
"You can't, or you won't?"
Lowering back onto the couch, Tony shrugged. "What do you want me to say? That I'll call the Arc Reactor Donor Clinic first thing monday morning?"
"There's people that can help you. We can talk to the scientists at SI. I'll ask around at the base.." Rhodey reasoned.
"This goes beyond SI and the military. This is about me discovering and implementing an element for my own use. An element that if dropped in the wrong hands will create alot of trouble, and I doubt the government will step up to bat for me after everything that's happened in the past."
They both knew he was right.
"I'm going to keep working on it. I've started alot of things that I want to see through." he mused, leaning over to collect the glass of water again.
After a few long minutes, Rhodey finally spoke again. "Does Claire know?"
"No. It's better if she didn't."
"She cares about you, Tony. She has a-.."
"Claire left. Moved out."
"..right to know. Tony. Listen..."
"No, you listen, Rhodey. In the last year and a half I've given her every reason in the world to get out. I don't deserve her and she deserves better. Look at me. Look at who I've always been." he spoke, pausing after. "She doesn't need to sit there and watch me die."
At that, he got to his feet, seemingly accepting of his friends wishes. But, before walking past him, Rhodey stopped and placed a strong hand on his friends shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. "Take a shower, Tony. Get something to eat and then sleep."
Tony looked up, nodded once and placed his hand over Rhodey's to show his appreciation.
"I'm giving you two days to tell her. If you don't, I will."